Facebook: This is what it really is

Facebook was created by Superman. After accidentally landing on earth and being humiliated by having to wear ridiculously tight undergarments and being mistaken for a bird or plane “I even wore a bright red cape so these stupid humans can distinguish”, Superman swore revenge. Initially he planned to destroy earth but the United States government found out that he’s an illegal immigrant, and so had him deported back to Krypton. Once at Krypton he decided to take his revenge at the semi intelligent species of humans. He launched a plan that he would find a means to study the humans and then ultimately annihilate them. He sent one of the filing clerks from his office at krypton, to earth. He decided to send Mark Zuckerberg to Harvard figuring that this is the place where the most intelligent of humans are present.

Mark‘s job was to create a platform in which these young and brilliant minds would pool their thoughts actions and way of thinking. Thus Facebook was created.  That way extensive Data would be gathered about human and then 1 fool proof way would be carried out in which humans will eventually cause their own downfall. Many conceptual plans were thought of and carried out in small scale. Global Warming, Nuclear experiments, George W. Bush, Tsunami, lady Gaga, and Justin Bieber are just names of some of these plans. Soon it appeared that humans are so stupid and dumb that they would enjoy such things. Superman then decided that he needs to study the data more carefully. Mark Zuckerberg got a promotion his new job description was pressing the refresh button and report the number of users.

In the meantime Mark was gaining popularity within humans at Harvard. Many young females were now busy in trying to seduce Mark. They did not know however that he had yet not hit puberty which is evident from his lack of facial hair. One night however he managed to find a home made recipe for testosterone from “Zubaida Appa’s Tootkay.” He injected himself with it right before going to a frat party. As the party progressed surrounded by appealing company he fell victim to man’s greatest weakness. Soon Mark was thinking from his Anatomical ping pongs. This just proved to show that alcohol can even ruin inter galactic plans. Superman was worried but also bought shares in Jack Daniels and other wineries.

When mark woke up next morning next to Justin Timberlake (who apparently made Napster), he made a decision. He would not let superman destroy earth his exact words were “just because Elton john complimented his Kryptonian scrotrum doesn’t mean he has to destroy the entire planet”. Along with Timberlake, Mark devised a plan to make facebook absolutely worthless and useless for Superman. He decided to include all the most stupid people on earth in facebook he expanded it to all continents. Soon facebook was flooded with “I got my nails done” “I love justin beiber” “I’m wearing the shortest skirt I can find for tonight’s party” “updating my status while showering”. Mark ensured that all that Superman would be getting would be pointless information of complete idiots who deem it necessary to post the type of stool they excrete.

Mark devised a clever plan to keep Superman’s interest from waning. He decided to constantly change facebook and giving people new ways to discuss Justin beiber’s latest hairstyle or the insurmountable length of Kim Kardashians relationships’. Now Kim holds great interest for superman on a personal level. Superman finds that her ability to walk around with two planets strapped to her lower abdomen is truly astonishing. This “showing” of such “strength” has led superman to suspect that Kim might be his long lost sister.

So not only has Mark been acting as earths savior…his creation has led to a collective increase in the intelligence of this earth. A prime example is the deep, thought-provoking debates on the social aspects of the society in which the socials of the society socialize. Who would not want to know what their best friend’s ex-wife’s third cousin twice removed had for lunch that made him vomit copious amounts of last nights dinner? Such knowledge is veritable gold.The sheer effort put in the description of last nights excrement is commendable. It is knowledge that is truly vital for Marks grand plan….to drive superman to suicide. 

Some time back..we sent one of our investigators to delve into the deep world of facebook…that investigator is now known as the entity Paris Hilton. So… the sheer damage that facebook can inflict is amazing. If it can transform a fully grown man into Paris Hilton…a vaguely human-shaped organism with the intelligence traits of expired mayonnaise…it is a force to be reckoned with….what remains to be seen is whether Superman can weather this storm..or perish to become something worse than Paris Hilton…namely another Paris Hilton..two Paris Hiltons will result in a time space continuum rift..bringing an end to all that we know…perhaps a better outcome than a universe with two Paris Hiltons.

Now that Mark Zuckerberg has become so rich by making people go virtual farming he has decided to permanently stay on earth and live the life that he has always been dreaming of which has been inspired by American pie. We were able to find out that his personal idol is Hugh Hefner.

This article has been read and approved by the Inter Galactic Literary Society and any piece of crap that contradicts this is false and misleading. YOU ARE PIGS BEING FARMED AT FACEBOOK ALL OF YOU…….AAAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHUUUUUUUU. WHAT DA!!!! This bogey has a weird color man gotta post a photo of this on facebook. Ooooo eemmmmmm geeeeeeeeeee

Written by Mujeeb and Sarmed