Bieber

Following his enormous success as a drool ball for preteens and a source of unexplained anger to men Justin Bieber has decided to open his own institute. In this institute he plans on teaching and promoting his completely pointless yet apparently super hit songs and song writing abilities (which includes a grand total of ten words). The following is his lyrics from the i-feel-like-puking-whenever-someone-mentions-this-song “Baby.”. This particular song inspired him to continue his noble work of destroying literature, music, singing, sanity, radio, adolescence, puberty and many more things with his complete lack of ability to be a singer.

“Baby”
You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You want my love, you want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart

Are we an item? Girl quit playing
We're just friends, what are you saying
Say there's another and look right in my eyes
My first love broke my heart for the first time
And I was like

(chorus)
Baby, baby, baby ooh
Like baby, baby, baby no
Like baby, baby, baby ooh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Baby, baby, baby ooh
Like baby, baby, baby no
Like baby, baby, baby ooh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

For you, I would have done whatever
And I just can't believe we ain't together
And I wanna play it cool, 'cause I'm losin' you
I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring
'Cause I'm in pieces, baby fix me
And just shake me till you wake me from this bad dream
I'm going down, down, down
And I just can't believe my first love won't be around

(chorus)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm sixteen and I thought that you'd be mine
I used to tweet you and text you and call you
And hit you on Facebook all the time
But but but but now you're gone
So far long that I can't even find you
You know that feeling when you leave your love
And it's right behind you
Can't believe that you did me wrong
We were on iChat all night long
Listening to our favorite song
She was wrong
I am gone
I thought I loved her
Never put no one above her
Yes she was my lover
But now on to another like

(chorus)

I'm gone (yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
All I'm gone (yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
Now I'm all gone (yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
Now I'm all gone (gone, gone, gone)
I'm gone

This breathtaking piece of lyrical beauty was written by Justin himself. We were able to contact one of the students in the university and s/he was able to give us a sample of what s/he has learned from Justin.

Here it is.

Girl :

Baby baby girl

Girl oh babygirl

Oh oh oh girl baby babyyy

Oh why don’t you text me babygirl

Baby baby text me from your  iPhone 4S

(Chorus)

IPHOOONNNEEEEE

OHHHHHH PHOONNNNEEE

Girl im waiting on my scootie

For my beauty (and by beauty I mean you)

Baby baby girl baby girl oohh

I have your picture

In my wallet next to my appointment letter at the hairdressing salon

Wont you please text me baby baby oohh

(Chorus)

Texty texty ( wink wink )

U know what that rhymes with babbyyy

jalaybee (an Asian delicacy)

So why don’t you come over baby..

Ill show u a good time at the local KFC

So baby baby baby baby baby baby ooohhh girl iphooonee baby

Text me on my HTC !

I'm gone (yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
All I'm gone (confirm confirm, confirm confirm confirm confirm confirm confirm)
Now I'm all gone (Yeah Yeah, Affirmative Affirmative Yeah, Affirmative Affirmative Yeah, Affirmative )

I'm all gone (gone, gone, gone, Dawn, fawn, swan lawn, yawn, john, born, mom, dad, brother sister )

Im gone.

This song was my end of year project at the Bieber School of Musical Arts and Sciences. I received a distinction from our founder/dean/chancellor/vice chancellor/local fashionista/style icon/guru of the mystical singing sciences Justin Bieber himself. I also received copious amounts of styling gel.

My motivation for joining this “mind-numbingly awesome” university was the sheer amount of success garnered by our Lord Justin Beiber’s “amazing” and “eloquent” “SONG” Baby. I have never felt emotions as strong as when I read and understood the “lyrics” of this amazing example of “poetry”. It touched me at a level that even Shakespeare could not.

So what are you waiting for. You don’t need to study grammar, English, sentence formation, vocabulary, punctuation, rhyme and rhythm, or have any measurable amount of intelligence or common sense to enroll in this institute and flourish your good for nothing Talent.  

I'm gone (yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
All I'm gone (confirm confirm, confirm confirm confirm confirm confirm confirm)
Now I'm all gone (Yeah Yeah, Affirmative Affirmative Yeah, Affirmative Affirmative Yeah, Affirmative )

I'm all gone (gone, gone, gone, Dawn, fawn, swan lawn, yawn, john, born, mom, dad, brother sister )

Im gone.