Facebook: This is what it really is

Facebook was created by Superman. After accidentally landing on earth and being humiliated by having to wear ridiculously tight undergarments and being mistaken for a bird or plane “I even wore a bright red cape so these stupid humans can distinguish”, Superman swore revenge. Initially he planned to destroy earth but the United States government found out that he’s an illegal immigrant, and so had him deported back to Krypton. Once at Krypton he decided to take his revenge at the semi intelligent species of humans. He launched a plan that he would find a means to study the humans and then ultimately annihilate them. He sent one of the filing clerks from his office at krypton, to earth. He decided to send Mark Zuckerberg to Harvard figuring that this is the place where the most intelligent of humans are present.

Mark‘s job was to create a platform in which these young and brilliant minds would pool their thoughts actions and way of thinking. Thus Facebook was created.  That way extensive Data would be gathered about human and then 1 fool proof way would be carried out in which humans will eventually cause their own downfall. Many conceptual plans were thought of and carried out in small scale. Global Warming, Nuclear experiments, George W. Bush, Tsunami, lady Gaga, and Justin Bieber are just names of some of these plans. Soon it appeared that humans are so stupid and dumb that they would enjoy such things. Superman then decided that he needs to study the data more carefully. Mark Zuckerberg got a promotion his new job description was pressing the refresh button and report the number of users.

In the meantime Mark was gaining popularity within humans at Harvard. Many young females were now busy in trying to seduce Mark. They did not know however that he had yet not hit puberty which is evident from his lack of facial hair. One night however he managed to find a home made recipe for testosterone from “Zubaida Appa’s Tootkay.” He injected himself with it right before going to a frat party. As the party progressed surrounded by appealing company he fell victim to man’s greatest weakness. Soon Mark was thinking from his Anatomical ping pongs. This just proved to show that alcohol can even ruin inter galactic plans. Superman was worried but also bought shares in Jack Daniels and other wineries.

When mark woke up next morning next to Justin Timberlake (who apparently made Napster), he made a decision. He would not let superman destroy earth his exact words were “just because Elton john complimented his Kryptonian scrotrum doesn’t mean he has to destroy the entire planet”. Along with Timberlake, Mark devised a plan to make facebook absolutely worthless and useless for Superman. He decided to include all the most stupid people on earth in facebook he expanded it to all continents. Soon facebook was flooded with “I got my nails done” “I love justin beiber” “I’m wearing the shortest skirt I can find for tonight’s party” “updating my status while showering”. Mark ensured that all that Superman would be getting would be pointless information of complete idiots who deem it necessary to post the type of stool they excrete.

Mark devised a clever plan to keep Superman’s interest from waning. He decided to constantly change facebook and giving people new ways to discuss Justin beiber’s latest hairstyle or the insurmountable length of Kim Kardashians relationships’. Now Kim holds great interest for superman on a personal level. Superman finds that her ability to walk around with two planets strapped to her lower abdomen is truly astonishing. This “showing” of such “strength” has led superman to suspect that Kim might be his long lost sister.

So not only has Mark been acting as earths savior…his creation has led to a collective increase in the intelligence of this earth. A prime example is the deep, thought-provoking debates on the social aspects of the society in which the socials of the society socialize. Who would not want to know what their best friend’s ex-wife’s third cousin twice removed had for lunch that made him vomit copious amounts of last nights dinner? Such knowledge is veritable gold.The sheer effort put in the description of last nights excrement is commendable. It is knowledge that is truly vital for Marks grand plan….to drive superman to suicide. 

Some time back..we sent one of our investigators to delve into the deep world of facebook…that investigator is now known as the entity Paris Hilton. So… the sheer damage that facebook can inflict is amazing. If it can transform a fully grown man into Paris Hilton…a vaguely human-shaped organism with the intelligence traits of expired mayonnaise…it is a force to be reckoned with….what remains to be seen is whether Superman can weather this storm..or perish to become something worse than Paris Hilton…namely another Paris Hilton..two Paris Hiltons will result in a time space continuum rift..bringing an end to all that we know…perhaps a better outcome than a universe with two Paris Hiltons.

Now that Mark Zuckerberg has become so rich by making people go virtual farming he has decided to permanently stay on earth and live the life that he has always been dreaming of which has been inspired by American pie. We were able to find out that his personal idol is Hugh Hefner.

This article has been read and approved by the Inter Galactic Literary Society and any piece of crap that contradicts this is false and misleading. YOU ARE PIGS BEING FARMED AT FACEBOOK ALL OF YOU…….AAAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHUUUUUUUU. WHAT DA!!!! This bogey has a weird color man gotta post a photo of this on facebook. Ooooo eemmmmmm geeeeeeeeeee

Written by Mujeeb and Sarmed

Twilight This is what it really is

Written by Me and Syed Abdul Mujeeb (his Blog)

Twilight is a rare case study of interaction between a psychotic teenager and a pedophilic predator. It gave psychiatrists all over the world a chance to study behavior in humans who suffer from such illnesses

The teenage subject in the study has been named “Bella”. Typical of evidence from previous studies, Bella is a girl with low self esteem.

The pedophilic predator has been named “Edward.” Being a pedophile is quite old, and his skin no longer glows from young blood.

The case study shows us how these two subjects meet and then how there different mental illness clash with each other. How the psychosis of Bella combined with the urges of Edward result in a bizarre series of events, both of which are seen differently by each subject.

After meeting Edward, Bella’s hallucinations start, having grown up on Disney cartoons and story books, she immediately sees Edward not as the old wrinkled blue guy that he is but instead views him as a waxed, sparkly, 100 year old vampire. She is immediately transferred into a magical world, in the same manner that happened with jasmine in Aladdin or what happened with Alice when she went down the rabbit hole. Having the complete freedom to create her own world she envisions one in which she is the absolute centre of a cosmos of dimensions and mythical creatures. Soon not only Edward but a whole tribe of vampires are there to protect her and are more than willing to fight there own species. Such is her charm and beauty in the world that she has created for herself. Psychiatrists note that Bella had drastically changed the characteristics of vampires. Instead of being awesome blood sucking night crawlers, they are now attractive sparkly ageless beauties. This clearly shows the influence that Disney books and fairy tales have had on the subject’s subconscious mind.

From Edwards point of view the whole thing is seen as an ideal opportunity. He is able to find a young girl who finds him attractive, at first he is confused as to why she keeps calling him a vampire, but soon realizes that Bella’s mind is working in weird ways and decides to play along. He becomes protective of her once even shouting at a man who was staring at her; he notes that it apparently registered as a duel in Bella’s mind.

It is common knowledge that if psychosis is encouraged then it grows and grows. The case study “twilight” shows similar aspects. As the pedophile Edward plays along with Bella’s fantasies, they grow. They become more complicated and she starts imagining more characters and people, and bring them to life in her world. At the same time she is also conscious of Edwards view of everything. She meets Jacob, but her mind immediately notes that Edward would probably not like it. Thus in her highly animated mind Jacob is viewed as a beast. Yet having also seen “beauty and the Beast” in her youth she immediately feels a connection.

However our pedophilic subject grows restless at the continued game of Bella. When Bella meets a new friend, he immediately plants him as a grotesque person.

Soon however Bella moves ahead with the story and becomes pregnant, over here she founds out that know Disney movie can help her and her, juvenile mind makes it like a nightmare and she feels as if a beast is growing inside her. This part is of most interest to psychiatrists as it tells how the hallucinations adapt when moved into unfamiliar territory.

I was able to gather opinions of some of the most influential and knowledgeable psychoanalysts in the world. This is what they had to say

Beverly Vincent is an eminent Scholar in the field of psychosis. She currently works at the Espeficial Tupidos Medical research center in Valleys of New Zealand

Psychoanalysis of Twilight

Bella has been portrayed as someone who comes from a broken family; children hailing from broken homes usually tend to fantasize about things they would rather change in their very real very troubled lives. When she meets Edward she finds him to be the epitome of everything she ever wanted in her sad, lamentable existence. She builds him up to be something he is not, someone who would be called a monster or yes a pedophile by normal persons. In reality she is neglected and therefore the whole scenario of Edward and Jacob fighting over her is all in her head. Edward sees her as someone who would never truly face or grasp the depth of his frightful reality so he plays along and feeds her illness, as she needs someone to make her feel wanted and he needs someone who would make him feel beautiful.

To prove that the character of Edward Cullen is fake and part of an illusion created by a deranged adolescence who has been unable to cope up with her coming of age. Our investigator Syed Abdul Mujeeb ventured to the castle of Dracula to ask his opinion on whether Edward qualifies as a Vampire. This is what he had to say about it.

UNFATHOMABLE…THE HORROR !!!...ITS ENOUGH TO BRING A GROWN MAN TO TEARS. What has become of my noble kind?...sparkles???..GLITTER??..i beseech you…OPEN YOUR EYES…see us noble vampires for what we truly are. We do not GLITTER. We do not SHINE in that which burns our very skin ( for those of you ingrates too slow in your brain development to notice, im talking about sunlight ). Where is the love of a humans blood?..where is it? This…this EDWARD CULLEN..who claims to be a vampire….heed my word you lot. The man is an impostor. Can you not see???
Alas…I have special plans for this man…and for the followers of this heathen… I will show you what a vampire REALLY is like…
When I suck your life out of you…you will know…what it feels to be “LOVED” by a vampire….hhehehehehheheahhahahHhahahahaHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAaaa…..
I have such noble heritage..and this man has destroyed it all…. Ummm…waaaiittt…wait waiitttttt a minuuuteeeeee….hehehhe…
All you young womenfolk…you like Edward yessss??..why don’t you come to my castle in noble Castlevania… I have many servants here who are even more appealing than this Edward..yesss …come hither my dears…I shall take GOOD “care” of you hehehehe….come come….while I prepare for you…a LIFECHANGING experience….yessssssss….




This review has been read and approved by well known writers including Stefan Browski, Syed Abdul Mujeeb, Katarina Von Tonne. and Doctors, Hans Emmelreich, Mikhail Storsvakovsky , Juliana Van Fimmelsworth who are experts in their fields. Any review of Twilight that is in contradiction to this one is false and misleading and may be a mass propaganda by world forces to enslave humans.